Spring has finally sprung and I am thrilled about it! The new season of the year has also brought a new season of life.
A few months ago, I succumbed to a deep depression yet again. I could hardly see a way out. I fell behind in all of the classes I was taking. I was highly unmotivated. The thought in my mind- playing over and over- was the statement, “I don’t know if I can survive this pain again.” This time in my life was so excruciatingly painful and the only thing that kept me going was the thought of my family.
I had a long talk with my mom over the phone one evening after a particularly difficult day. I was in Iowa City and she was in Hudson. She told me to come home that weekend and we could discuss options. Eventually, we landed on the decision that I would withdraw from my classes, take a couple weeks off work, see my doctor, and make more frequent appointments with my therapist. She helped me through all of it.
I stayed at home for the time that I was off work and my doctor suggested switching medications. My therapist and I began working intensely on Cognitive Therapy, which helps me recognize my thought processes, especially when the thoughts are more negative. We come up with alternative statements I can insert that are more positive. The more I use the positive thoughts, the more automatic they become.
During this transitional period, the point came up that if I was not going to be taking classes full time, that I needed to have a full time job. So, with some reluctance (because of the depression), some fear (because of the unknown), and some tears (because life wasn’t going how I planned), I started applying for anything and everything that sounded remotely interesting. And then I got a call…
I was asked to do a phone interview with a hiring specialist at Geico. You know, the insurance company with the green gecko? The phone interview was successful and I was asked if I would be interested in coming in for in person interviews. I had to get a blazer. I was in the offices for about five hours that day (interviewing, role playing as a customer service representative, interviewing again, testing on a computer simulation, and more interviewing). At the end of my final in person interview I was offered the job on the spot, and I excitedly accepted.
I then realized that I would prefer to live closer to my future place of work (and my lease was almost up on my current apartment). I began to apartment search. I found one within a month of looking (in budget!) and I will be able to take my precious dog, Dymond, with me. We move at the end of next week!
It can be difficult to keep growing, both in life and as a person. There are always so many changes, for me at least. I am learning to breathe and live in the moment. I am learning, again, that my life doesn’t always go the way I think it should. I am learning that no matter what comes my way, I will be able to get through it.
Happy spring, everyone! I hope you are all growing with the beautiful flowers, too. -Elle Renee