Greener Grass

So, it’s been quite a while since I poured my thoughts out to the world. Recently, there has been so much going on in my life that I have put aside my passion for writing… which has led me to a cramped creative space, begging for an outlet.

Life is hard, people. Very, very hard. I thought that I had a new direction (one that I was enjoying). Slowly, the work has become mundane and just not what I thought it was going to be. I do a decent job, but I don’t like it. I am falling into the trend I see over and over in my life… I am happy, I become unhappy, I notice some greener grass, I go to the greener grass, I am happy, I become unhappy…. and so the cycle continues. I am a “grass is greener over there” kind of person. Because of that fact, I have noticed how discontent I am with life.

A little while ago, I set out on an adventure I hoped would be quickly life changing. Wildflower Reflections was created on Christmas Eve because of my wonder of the world around me and my peacefulness while sitting next to the decorated Christmas tree. This blog was supposed to take off and I was supposed to be the next person who went from homegrown blogger to grassroots entrepreneur. So, what happened? Why did I seem to let the flame die? The answer to both of those is that I became distracted with the things I thought were important. I stopped writing because it wasn’t my top priority when I began my newer job… the one that I make money at.

And slowly, I began to fall again into my Greener Grass cycle. I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I sleep for ages. And then the tables turned again.

I was in shock when the pregnancy test said positive. So I took a couple more. Those said positive, too. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a mom yet. I freaked out for a couple weeks. Then I announced this baby to the world and have received so much support.

Some days, staying in bed and then choosing to write is the best option.

Despite all the support I have been getting, I still feel that something is missing. I am hormonal and exhausted and I feel like a crazy person… but I still want this dream. I still see the green, green grass of Wildflower Reflections. If I could quit my job right now, today, and just write and try to get this to take off, I would do it. Realistically, that isn’t an option… but since when am I a realist?

So, the thing is… I am not content where I am. I am not happy with this direction of life. I am not ready to give up and be mundane… I am meant for more than all of that. I am meant to be content and happy and out of this world. So get ready, everyone, because I think this might be a bumpy ride.

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